Work Anxiety

I work from home. My team is really just me. I answer to a boss who I talk to every two weeks and once in a while via email. Everyday I struggle with anxiety from work. I can’t quite explain it, but I do know I don’t like working from home. I don’t like no being apart of a team. And the lack of relationship with my boss mirrors an uncertain childhood in which I did my best to be a perfect kid out of fear of punishment from my father. Now that I’m an adult I know that everything is fine. Failure leads to growth and the worst case scenario is never that bad, but I can’t help my emotions from not knowing that. On a bad day I work as long as I can with a hole in my heart and fog in my brain. It’s like I’ve been dumped by my crush everyday and have to go to school and spend classes with her while she sits next to her knew boyfriend. I can’t escape the feeling and the more I feel it the harder it is to work and the less I do and the more work piles up the more anxiety I feel. I sense a breaking point coming but I don’t know what to do about it. I know I want relief from the pain which leans towards quitting. But I also know that I’m not a quitter and don’t want to live with the shame I will put on myself for quitting. A rock and a hard place. I just want to have a week of life that feels normal, no stress, joy, I don’t have to force a smile at my dog. I can’t even think of next steps because my brain is so foggy. Anyway, Thanks for Listening.